Burmese Daze

Our arrival in Burma (or Myanmar as it is now known) coincided with the rearrest of Aung San Suu Kyi, the democratically elected leader of Burma who was imprisoned by the government after winning the last election and was due to be released from house-arrest during our stay. More elections are scheduled for 2010, and it would be very convenient for the military government if she could be kept safely in prison until after the poll. The Burmese government heavily censors all forms of media but we kept ourselves informed of current events through the internet, as the kids in the internet cafes can easily hack through the government filters. Locals often talked to us about the situation and were amazed at how much international coverage the story was getting.

In Mandalay we went to see the Moustache Brothers, who perform traditional Burmese dances but are more famous for openly telling anti-government jokes as part of their show. Two of the three brothers have spent several years in jail and they are blacklisted from performing in public places, so the show now takes place in their own home. Our only contact with military government (except maybe plain-clothes secret police) was when we had our passports checked in the middle of an overnight bus journey by some very drunken soldiers, who excitedly showed us their jar of beetles they had caught to cook up for a midnight snack. Yummy!

Next we headed to Bagan, a plain filled with ancient Buddhist temples. We hired a horse-cart and driver for the day and rode around stopping at countless temples and pagodas. Inside the temples we saw amazing wall paintings and Buddha statues and in some we were able to climb to the top for views of hundreds of spires stretching out into the distance. The peaceful atmosphere at the temples was sometimes shattered by hordes of local children hassling us to buy postcards from them, or, their favourite trick, asking for foreign coins for their 'collection' then selling them back to other tourists. However there are over 4000 temples in Bagan, so there were plenty of quiet places to escape to.

Burmese buses always seem to leave or arrive at strange hours, and the bus from Bagan to Inle lake was no exception, leaving Bagan at 3.30am (why?!?). There seems to be a conspiracy to make foreigners sit at the back of the bus, the least popular seats as the ride is bumpier and the legroom is often used to store luggage. On this occasion we shared the back row with some containers of spare petrol needed for the journey (in Burma petrol is rationed and so most of it has to be bought on the black market), and the fumes coming from these made the journey more unpleasant. To add to our woes, the rainy season had kicked in and our bags, which travelled on the roof of the bus, got soaked through in a downpour. Despite all of this the bus is the most interesting way to travel as you really get to see the country and chat with some interesting locals, such as the two Burmese traditional dancers we got chatting to on our bus to Bagan.

In Inle we made friends with a couple of Mexican girls called Vanessa and Perla and the five of us took a boat trip out onto the lake together. The villages around the lakeshore are home to women who weave cloth from lotus stems, Karen women who stretch their necks with an increasing number of gold hoops, and lots of water buffalo. The lake is also used by fishermen who stand at the front of their boats, sometimes rowing with one leg hooked around the oar to give their arms a rest.

There are thousands of monks in Burma, and every man has to become a monk sometime in his life, although for most it is only for a few days. They all wear orange robes, have shaved heads, and carry big orange umbrellas, presumably to stop their bald heads from getting sunburnt. We have visited several monasteries on our trip, but the one on Inle lake was our favourite by a long way, as the monks have trained the resident cats to jump through hoops held about a metre off the ground, and they were happy to demonstrate this when we visited. We got chatting to one of the monks there, who gave Graeme tips on how to to train cats to jump through hoops and answered our questions about Buddhism, although the only subject he really wanted to chat about was last night's Champions League final between Man U and Barca.

Many of the tourist sites in Burma have a $10 entrance fee that goes straight to the government, and we put a lot of effort into avoiding paying this. We missed out on seeing Mandalay Palace, but in Bago we discovered that government workers finish work at 3.30pm and you can visit after that time without paying the $10 fee. In one of the smaller temples at Bago, we came across the whole Magwe Division football team, who were sleeping and training in the temple before they played Bago division in a few days time.

We were very sad to leave Burma, and Thailand now seems over-touristy and the locals unfriendly by comparison. Many of the Burmese people we met urged us to come back again in 2010 when elections are scheduled, especially after Debbie told them that she used to work in elections. We definitely hope to return one day, and can only hope that things will have changed for the better when we do.

Monkey Finger

Our first AirAsia flight was an interesting experience; we nearly caught hypothermia due to the overzealous air conditioning, and the pilot welcomed us to Malaysia with a cheerful reminder of the mandatory death penalty for drug-smuggling. After arriving in Kuala Lumpur, we met up with Adrian, who we hadn't seen since we left the UK, and caught up with the last year's worth of gossip (Debbie) and Arsenal news (Graeme). Later the same day we met up with Adam, who had just flown in from Brisbane and will travel with us as far as Burma. The four of us went on a daytrip to the Batu Caves, a natural cave system on the outskirts of KL, which has been converted into a kind of hindu temple filled with statues of various gods and goddesses. Our favourite was a cow with a woman's head which had both human breasts and udders. A troupe of very entertaining monkeys also lived in the caves, and we watched one of them steal a packet of crisps from an unsuspecting tourist and sit and eat the whole packet on top of a post just out of her reach. The highlight though was the monkey sitting on the steps giving the 'monkey finger' to everyone that passed by. We have now taken to posing with monkey fingers in loads of our photos. Next we went to Kuala Selangor where we saw more monkeys, which climbed all over us while trying to eat food out of our hands and pockets (lucky we had those rabies shots). After sunset we went on a boat ride to see some fireflies which flash in sync and make the bushes along the riverbank twinkle like Christmas trees.

After spending a few days hanging around in Kuala Lumpur we flew out to Sandakan in Malaysian Borneo. We had booked to go on a jungle trek, but first stayed the night at the tour company's hostel. We were the only people staying that night, and we ended up partying all night with the staff and getting drunk on a local spirit called Arak Wangi (which costs less than a beer and tastes just like alcoholic iron bru) and losing badly to them at Malaysian-rules pool. The next day we headed off on the jungle tour itself, but not before stocking up on more wangi on the way. Next we spent a few nights in the Sungai Kinabatangan jungle, living in six-person jungle huts which we shared with a couple from Bristol called Amy and Adam who were, by lucky coincidence, also big wangi-drinkers. We also shared our hut with a selection of large flying insects and spiders, and a big scorpion lived in a tree across the path from us. The jungle trip included several boat trips down the river and two jungle walks. We saw tons of wildlife including more monkeys, civet cats, crocodiles, an orangutan and some proboscis monkeys which have big fat bellies and ridiculously phallic noses – the Malay name for them translates as 'Dutch monkey' because the locals think that they look like Dutch people. After the jungle trip was over we all spent one last night playing wangi drinking-games, then the four of us headed to the island of Mabul where Debbie, Adrian and Adam had all booked diving courses. Debbie and Adrian both did their Advanced Open Water courses with a chain-smoking German instructor called Marlice. We were both a bit rusty to start with but soon got back into it, and after the the course finished we managed to get hold of permits to dive at Sipadan, which is reputed to be one of the world's best dive sites. Only 120 people a day are allowed to dive at Sipadan and because we got the permits at the very last minute we ended up going with the dodgiest dive company on the island – all of their dive equipment was knackered, and we were pleasantly surprised when none of it gave out underwater, but it was all worthwhile as it was one of the best dive sites we've ever been to with reef sharks, turtles and tons of other fish (we even found Nemo!). Graeme came snorkelling and had a scary moment when he swam too far from the boat and noticed two big sharks circling below him.

While we were diving we stayed in a cute little fishing village on the island, away from the main tourist area, with loads of local kids eager to have their photos taken. We slept in a Malay longhouse built on a jetty out over the sea, where us two had to pretend to be married before they would let us share a room. Every night we were woken up in the night by thunderstorms – both by the noise and because of the water coming in through the broken windows onto our bed.
After finishing our diving courses the two of us and Adam flew back to Kuala Lumpur, arranging to meet Adrian in the Perhentian islands in a few days time. We spent one more day in KL having blind-man massages to sooth our backaches (from carrying heavy rucksacks and diving equipment). Then we headed north to Taman Negara national park, the world's oldest rainforest, according the Malaysian tourist board. We had enjoyed the jungle trip in Borneo, mostly due to the amount of wildlife we saw, but the concentration of animals in one small space there is due to the rapid deforestation caused by logging. Taman Negara, on the other hand, is more like we think a jungle ought to be. The forest is much thicker with mases of huge old trees, although here the wildlife has space to spread out, so we only saw a couple of monkeys and some mosquitos.
The next day we caught the 'Jungle Train' through the rainforest to Kota Bahru, on the North-Eastern coast of Malaysia. This was a slow but interesting way to travel, we were the only foreigners on the train and as the journey wore on we became aware that we were the centre of attention for the whole carriage. Debbie realised she was the only woman on the train not wearing a headscarf, and we stashed away the bottle of wangi that we had been sneakily drinking. At the end of the line, we got on a boat to the Perhentian islands where Adrian had already been hanging out for a few days.
We stayed on the small island, Perhentian Kecil, which is a perfect tropical island with a mixture of Malaysian and foreign tourists staying in wooden huts by the beach. Adrian told us that the best night out on the island was the 'reggae jungle party' which was advertised on handwritten posters all over the island, so we decided to check it out. It turned out to be a wooden bar in a clearing in the jungle, and a makeshift stage with a Malaysian reggae band playing covers of everything from Bob Marley to Metallica. It reminded us of being at a dodgy rave back in the UK, and sure enough at around 3am the police showed up and busted the party. They separated the crowd into Malaysians and foreigners, made all of the foreigners leave and (we later found out) drug-tested all of the Malaysians.
One of the people we were chatting to at the reggae party was a guy from Thailand called Su, who told us that he was a divemaster at one of the local dive shops, so Debbie and Adam arranged to do a couple of dives with him over the following few days.

After a few days chilling out by the beach we decided it was time to head off to Thailand. Adrian wanted to stay at the island a little longer, so we went our separate ways once again. The two of us and Adam headed to the Thai border, where we were allowed to pass through only after testing negative for swine flu, then on to Raileh beach, a peninsula near Krabi that can only be reached by boat. We hung out there for a few days, getting massages every day, eating spicy thai curries, watching some Thai boxing, and taking walks to neighbouring beaches. The next beach along from Raileh was Phranang beach, with golden sand, cool monkeys and a cave that has been filled with wooden penises of various sizes and colours as a shrine to a local goddess.
Finally it was time to head up to Bangkok, and we decided to take the easy option of booking a flight from Krabi. After spending so much time on the beach, Bangkok was a bit of a shock to our systems, but we managed to do some good shopping at a ridiculously big (14 hectare) market, and also found a little dubstep night after bumping into the dj while on our way back to our hotel for a supposedly early night.
After a few days in Bangkok the three of us jumped in a cab to the airport where we boarded our flight to the land of the jumping cats - Myanmar.